Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 

The Man in Thought by ~altruisticlies:iconaltruisticlies:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Abstract


White castles
Set the scene in Vienna, Rome
Tripoli - countryside cities.
Restaurants in the shade.

Men in shade
With white straw hats, the sun curve
Of the day, and buzzing of motors on
Rocky cobblestone.

Family visits an old man here.
A hearty dinner, the sun a shine on the glass.

She says tell
us something
Like you used to.
The boys poke the ground,
Fiddle with the earth,
Before he sighs.
Sighs, speaks:

Columns Contract,
The dirge splits, spoken

Ramparts, assailed corridors.
Degraded anarchs in the veins.
I hear Fire.
Random chaos in
The voi- voi- Void.

And the entry read:
'Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate!'
Abandon all hope, ye who enter!




The stun is complete. Boys caught moving
Sag to immobility.

She asks why? How?
And he repeats numbly:
Abandon all hope, ye who enter!
©2003-2009 ~altruisticlies
:iconaltruisticlies:

Author's Comments

I haven't written in a long time.

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-11-04

The Man in Thought by ~altruisticlies may be considered a reflection on a life already lived from the perspective of aged cynicism, but there is more here than meets the eye. (Featured by `ndifference)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconubetyourboots:
~ubetyourboots Oct 14, 2003, 9:31:05 AM
DANTE!!!

We need to talk.

As for this poem...nothing short of ROCK.

Welcome back. Hack. :)
:iconpystdragon:
~pystdragon Oct 14, 2003, 11:30:46 AM
I like this a lot. Your description makes it easy to envision being there.

This totally made me think of Pompei being buried in volcanic fire and mud.
:iconldemosthenes:
~ldemosthenes Oct 14, 2003, 2:52:03 PM
I like the first two stanzas that "set the scene"...pretty. Funny that Rome is a countryside city.

The break between the second and third stanzas feels to be too much of a break. I think I want to see some kind of transition...I wasn't sure what the two parts had to do with each other.

I feel like this is supposed to political chaos. But I don't know anything.

--
here lies one whose name was writ in water
:iconaltruisticlies:
~altruisticlies Oct 16, 2003, 11:10:59 AM
Is this a good reaction?

--
Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?
:iconspinning-plates:
~spinning-plates Oct 16, 2003, 1:02:37 PM
It's great to see you writing again.

I loved this. It starts out with beautiful harmless images and turns rather bleak near the end.
:iconalabamaclay:
~alabamaclay Oct 18, 2003, 6:33:16 PM
yes yes, welcome back indeed, and with a bang I would say. :+fav:

--
We all know that insects, especially the tiny ones, do not possess, nor can they hold, guns or knives.
:iconmoonsparked:
~moonsparked Oct 19, 2003, 11:30:08 PM
you're genius at settings...
and letting loose these forboding, doomed men within.

incredible.
fire and brimstone and all...
an awesome read.
:iconwernstrum:
`wernstrum Oct 20, 2003, 1:48:22 PM
rules:
hmmm = bad

mmmm= yummy

--
Waste not want not
-- The Mask
Previous Page123Next Page

Details

October 14, 2003
1.1 KB

Statistics

27
18 [who?]
1,232 (0 today)
196 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy