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As barren as the sea, roiling endless
and turning, I am here.
The sun like a blessing; hurts,
and I'll start at the end so you mark
it: I die.

Cycles abound, cycles, circles,
and like chess there is an equality to
movement, the same two moves and an exponential growth.
A winking trump, legs
crossed over
an unclosing wound.

The hall and mirrors, a nascent Republic
founded, failed. Bleeding with the ordered chaos
that birthed it.

A bridge, a mirror, a sun-wracked plane;
things are building. I'm at a gap
in a suit on a windy day and this
land is falling.
Falling around my knees.
©2007-2009 ~altruisticlies
:iconaltruisticlies:

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:iconawkwarddance:
this poem has a wonderful building quality to it, culminating with an great last stanza. Bravo.

--
they'll name a city after us
and later say it's all our fault.
:iconevergreenrose:
Must say I've just been browsing through your poetry and very much liked it; I like your particular style, it's interesting. Wish I could indulge your request for 'advanced critique' but it's difficult when it's stylistically so different from my own :(.

--
Life is creation; creation is life.
:iconceasetobeme:
This is brilliantly crafted, with a sharp title. I like how you built a parallel between falling cities, falling structures, failing lives and failing relationships. ~awkwarddance is right when he/she says that this has a building quality, which is so ironic given the idea of entropy. Well done.

--
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Did I leave a comment? Why not return the favor :-)?
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:iconvesiculae:
"Bleeding with the ordered chaos / that birthed it." From numerous cuts, I might add. Looks like a fuckin' Suicide Girl's forearm.

I love this poem.

--
Don't tell me what the !poets are doin'...

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February 6, 2007
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