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DD's of 2004 by krissimonsta

DD's I Featured by ndifference

Epic Writing by Barnaby


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Submitted on
March 8, 2004
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Castles
Set the scene in Vienna, Rome
Tripoli - countries in cities.
Restaurants in the shade.

Men in chairs
With white straw hats, the sun curve
Of the day, and buzzing of motors on
Rocky cobblestone.

Family visits an old man.
A hearty dinner, the sun a shine on the glass.

She says tell
us something
Like you used to.
The boys poke the ground,
Fiddle with the earth,
Before he sighs.
Sighs, speaks:

Contracts
I sign in blood.
A column splits, spoken

Ramparts, assailed corridors.
Degraded anarchs in the veins.
I hear Fire.
Random chaos in
The voi- voi- Void.

And my entry read:
'Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate!'
Abandon all hope, ye who enter!




He breathes.
The stun is complete. Boys caught moving
Sag down and shake.

She asks why? How?
And he repeats, numbly:
Abandon all hope, ye who enter.
A revision of The Man In Thought.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2004-03-16
He Thinks By Fire by ~altruisticlies --- This piece by :devaltruisticlies: evokes the cinematic storytelling style of Fellini with a dash of Hemingway for good measure. Immerse yourself in the setting and seek out the wisdom hidden within. ( Featured by ndifference )
:iconeverylittlesake:
everylittlesake Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2004
wow...don't know what else to say...just...wow
:+fav:
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:iconcinderellacomplex:
cinderellacomplex Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2004
great!!!!!!
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:iconspinning-plates:
spinning-plates Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2004   Writer
It doesn't seem in the beginning what it eventually turns out to be. I enjoy that aspect of it more than anything, even the fantastical visual images of European cities it paints in my head.

good job, much deserved dd
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:iconminstrel-of-munifice:
Reading the other comments first really helped my understanding of this, but now that I get it, the visual imagery of the poem really is astounding! :+fav:
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:icon4-strings:
4-Strings Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Digital Artist
i can picture it all in my head, and it is magically written! very very good, you are a true poet!
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:iconkaujot:
kaujot Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
Word, yo.
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:iconaverlee:
Averlee Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Writer
Awesome imagery. A real piece of art.
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:iconvesiculae:
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
This is certainly a poem that you should in your portfolio throughout your career. This is what praiseworthy poetry is made of.

And now the rightful renter to this intellectual property (did I mention I WROTE MY SENIOR THESIS ON THIS POEM?) shall fave it.
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:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
You have still got those two lines at the end. ewe.
This is a great revision.
*hands you a microscope* sympbolic of the approach.
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:iconcatching:
catching Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
This is quite cinematic, a very good write.

I enjoyed the "voi"s of the "voi- voi- Void." The effect overall went well, and the actual semi-word "voi" reminded me of Veii for some reason, the old Roman city.

I'm also a fan of "the sun curve / Of a day," although it stumpted me at first (I was bent on the idea that sun should have been possessive, but this works out wonderfully).

Good job, then. And congrats on the DD. :clap: I'm off to check out the rest of your gallery.
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