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Set the scene in Vienna, Rome
Tripoli - countries in cities.
Restaurants in the shade.

Men in chairs
With white straw hats, the sun curve
Of the day, and buzzing of motors on
Rocky cobblestone.

Family visits an old man.
A hearty dinner, the sun a shine on the glass.

She says tell
us something
Like you used to.
The boys poke the ground,
Fiddle with the earth,
Before he sighs.
Sighs, speaks:

I sign in blood.
A column splits, spoken

Ramparts, assailed corridors.
Degraded anarchs in the veins.
I hear Fire.
Random chaos in
The voi- voi- Void.

And my entry read:
'Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate!'
Abandon all hope, ye who enter!

He breathes.
The stun is complete. Boys caught moving
Sag down and shake.

She asks why? How?
And he repeats, numbly:
Abandon all hope, ye who enter.
A revision of The Man In Thought.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2004-03-16
He Thinks By Fire by ~altruisticlies --- This piece by :devaltruisticlies: evokes the cinematic storytelling style of Fellini with a dash of Hemingway for good measure. Immerse yourself in the setting and seek out the wisdom hidden within. ( Featured by ndifference )
everylittlesake Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2004
wow...don't know what else to
cinderellacomplex Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2004
spinning-plates Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2004   Writer
It doesn't seem in the beginning what it eventually turns out to be. I enjoy that aspect of it more than anything, even the fantastical visual images of European cities it paints in my head.

good job, much deserved dd
Reading the other comments first really helped my understanding of this, but now that I get it, the visual imagery of the poem really is astounding! :+fav:
4-Strings Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Digital Artist
i can picture it all in my head, and it is magically written! very very good, you are a true poet!
kaujot Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
Word, yo.
Averlee Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Writer
Awesome imagery. A real piece of art.
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
This is certainly a poem that you should in your portfolio throughout your career. This is what praiseworthy poetry is made of.

And now the rightful renter to this intellectual property (did I mention I WROTE MY SENIOR THESIS ON THIS POEM?) shall fave it.
wernstrum Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
You have still got those two lines at the end. ewe.
This is a great revision.
*hands you a microscope* sympbolic of the approach.
catching Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
This is quite cinematic, a very good write.

I enjoyed the "voi"s of the "voi- voi- Void." The effect overall went well, and the actual semi-word "voi" reminded me of Veii for some reason, the old Roman city.

I'm also a fan of "the sun curve / Of a day," although it stumpted me at first (I was bent on the idea that sun should have been possessive, but this works out wonderfully).

Good job, then. And congrats on the DD. :clap: I'm off to check out the rest of your gallery.
AwakenAwareness Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Writer
Excellent! Cinematic indeed! I can actually see the camera movement, especially the dissolve when the old man begins to speak... or better yet, a pan down, through the earth into the cavernous halls below. Just something to emphasize the contrast between the two scenes which is already present..

As far as the cobblestone description.. what about "weathered"? Seems like most of those stones have been there for centuries when you look at them...

As a matter of opinion, I think that you should leave the quote untranslated at first. The people who've read Inferno will get it, and those who haven't will be left wondering until the last line. Just a little suspense builder...

Time to go check out the rest of your gellery... doncha just love these DDs?
Awi Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
Congrats on the DD, Ive read this a few times already and Im about to go read it a few more, its so tasty :D
vivus Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2004   Interface Designer
I don't like the rhythm of the last-lines in the first two stanzas ("Restaurants in the shade." and "Smooth cobblestone."), there's something funky about it, at least to my ear. Other than that, my Dante hardon is pleased with your allusion and the lovely dialouge in which it is delivered.
altruisticlies Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2004
Do you like 'Rocky cobblestone' better? I did, but my class said it was redundant. Bastards.
chiaroscuroman Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004   Traditional Artist
nah, it isn't redundant. cobble stones, being a noun, describe things and all things can be many things.
Rocky isn't appealing because its describing the stones, but the way that carts, cars, bikes move on the road. The tires gently rolling over the stones, the cabs rocking slightly back and forth, the people inside swaying to and fro carelessly.
unless, of course, i'm way off.

nonetheless, its a great piece and was wonderfully enjoyed. *applaud* =D
ndifference Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004  Professional Writer
rocky --> stone

Your class is right. You might as well talk about hot fire.

Anyway, this piece deserves a little extra attention around here.
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2004
My fault for not recommending this earlier, in December, when I wrote my senior thesis on this.
vivus Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2004   Interface Designer
I like it a lot more.
inkblotstar Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2004
The imagery is impressive, and I dig that dialog. Something about the last stanza struck me the wrong way though.
justb Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2004   Writer
I thought the way you added dialogue implied accents in the course of the poem, and it added a flow and texture, sort of stubbly, but grainy, to the poem. Causing one to re-read to inhale the full meaning.
sunrunner68 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2004
What wonderul imagry... I saw and heard it all. Bravo!
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Submitted on
March 8, 2004
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