Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconaltruisticlies: More from altruisticlies


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
November 12, 2004
File Size
846 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
252
Favourites
1 (who?)
Comments
5
×
Bobby Fischer played blitz matches
on Yahoo chess
until the Japanese caught him running.

So I was told one morning
out on the deck,
with a newspaper in one hand and an eye on the sun
coming up over the trees.

I hadn't known he was running;
but standing with my hand on the railing,
I saw Bobby in a small cell with both hands in his lap
and a scowl. Bobby Fischer scowled in my dreams.

Was his nemesis aware?
Sitting behind a curtain and alone,
with a glass and a cigarette, and a view of the Urals outside.

Did he know?

And I heard Bobby mutter
All I want to do, ever, is...
forget.
Yeah, Bobby. Yeah.
In 1992 Bobby played Boris.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconadahplatha:
adahplatha Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2004
and a scowl. Bobby Fischer scowled in my dreams.

The use of Bobby Fischer's full name didn't really work for me here, though I could see how such a repetition would be deft... and I agree that this poem might improve with tightening up, though it's a delight now.
Reply
:iconwu-wei:
wu-wei Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2004
I like the narrative, but this could use a little tightening up. Do you really mean to ask the same question twice? It didn't seem that important to me, but I don't know. Also, I'd like to see a tighter description in the nemesis stanza. The line breaks created heavy endings, and that is one where I can see a better way of showing us a Russian environs.

Good to see you back.
Reply
:iconaltruisticlies:
altruisticlies Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2004
Dear Mr. Hanft,

Your poem lacks in rhythm. Why do you call your work poetry? Do these line breaks exist only to mask what is otherwise uninteresting? Your 'poem' has little cohering it, and nothing in the way of legitmate creativity in structure and wording. You could perhaps make your language more quaint if only you added a reference to sock hops or ebay.

Also, you butchered that Fischer quote, and italics should only be used for the latin names of plants and animals.

Sincerely,
Boris S.
Reply
:iconfancydelic:
Fancydelic Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2004
Yes. Thank you...for being a writer.
Reply
:iconvesiculae:
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2004
Goddammit, thank you.

You comin'-back-from-hiatus-with-a-bang-ing son of a bitch.
Reply
Add a Comment: